Robin Hood

[mosefus]

What a disappointment.
I wanted to like this movie. I really did.
Though never being particularly interested in the Robin Hood story, even as a child, the very mention of the name brings back painful memories of deathly dull Sunday afternoons, my mother lying on the sofa, inflating over time like a freakin' bull frog, stuffing her face full of Liquorice Allsorts as the Enya-bot wailed out the opening sequence to Robin of Sherwood.
I'm haunted by it, shivering a little as I type these words.
Even with all of that, I genuinely hoped to enjoy this new version, not least because of Ridley Scott at the helm, a director I greatly admire, even if I don't always like the movies he makes. For every Alien there's a Hannibal, every Black Hawk Down there's a G.I. Jane.
Know what I mean?

Spoiler

The plot: King Richard is killed waging war in France, a death that leads to the potential for a French invasion, as Britain is left leaderless and rudderless.
Robin Longstride leads a group of men against both the invading French and the treacherous Godfrey, portrayed with genuine zeal by Mark Strong, the shining star in this gloopy, flabby tale.
That's about it for the plot, aside from a crushingly tedious romance angle between Wobin and Marian, that follows the same path as any one of those God awful romantic comedies.
You know how it works: When first they meet she can't stand him, he finds her too cold but, gradually, as they become more acquainted, the frostiness thaws and true love blossoms.

Please, someone, pass me that filleting knife, I want to stab out my own guts.
The plot rambles on, in no great hurry for anything to actually happen, all the action far too mellow, far too restrained, lacking the muscular spectacle of, say, Gladiator , the makers clearly keen to ensure a low enough rating to get the kids in. And it's a shame, as a blood drenched version of the tale could be very interesting indeed.
Special mention must be made of Crowe's accent, which meanders between Wales, Liverpool, Ireland and even Scotland but, crucially, never once settles on The East Midlands, you know, Nottinghamshire, his attempts to sound British a dismal failure.
As a measure of how dull this movie was, I fell asleep for about fifteen minutes and, roughly half an hour from the end, I left the cinema to go and have a fag.
Truthfully.
Disappointingly dull, then.

2 out of 5.

Review originally written for sites listed in signature

[PigsnieLite]

WHUT! I liked HANNIBAL! {Plite pouts.} And I didnt dislike ROBIN HOOD either. Its certainly way better than CLASH OF THE TITANS! And if nothing else, I thought Cate & Crowe were magnetized!

[JohnBoy1313]

I wasnt very excited to see Romper Stomper as Robin Hood, I can wait for this to hit video or even cable

[mosefus]

Originally Posted by PigsnieLite

WHUT! I liked HANNIBAL! {Plite pouts.} And I didnt dislike ROBIN HOOD either. Its certainly way better than CLASH OF THE TITANS! And if nothing else, I thought Cate & Crowe were magnetized!

I would watch Clash of the Titans again before this, as poor as it was.

And maybe I was being a bit harsh with Hannibal. Any movie that features pigs being used to dispose of corpses has to have something about it.
And don't we get to see Ray Liotta's brain towards the end?

Yummy.

[PigsnieLite]

Its actually not the pigs that I loved -- its Lecters torture of Pazzi before his innurds go pew pew pewing all over the shiny Italian pavement. And the sound of Liottas brain sizzling like a rasher of bacon is the Stuff of dreams.

PS. CLASH OF THE TITANS wuz dreadful, come on. Much worser than ROBIN HOOD.

[jonnyhiboy!]

Even if you were looking for mindless action, Clash Of The Titans was pretty shit. Haven't seen Robin Hood yet, it looks like a movie were you would be bored easily.

[JohnBoy1313]

Clash of the Titans wasn't terrible, I have a feeling I would prefer it to Robin Hood, Im willing to bet theres no kracken released upon sherwood forest in robin hood, at least titians had that going for it, and liam neilson is pretty bad ass as zeus

[PigsnieLite]

Best thing about CLASH wuz the Brits! Har. And Madds Mikkelsen. And the Kraken although I preferred that scene in the original movie when Poseidon actually went underwater to release the monstur and you could see his alarm & consternation as the Kraken swam upward.

[Escape]

Originally Posted by mosefus

As a measure of how dull this movie was, I fell asleep for about fifteen minutes and, roughly half an hour from the end, I left the cinema to go and have a fag.
Truthfully.
Disappointingly dull, then.

2 out of 5.

Sums it up perfectly. Even the action wasn't exactly top notch in my opinion.

And I'm hoping because this film was set up to show how Robin Hood came to be, that the next will be more exciting and not leave the action till the end. Ok, there were spurts of action early on but they were just glossed over quickly to show a point. I want a good few tense moments and this I didn't get.

I'm glad though that they made the king to be a whiny little boy who needs a good arrow up his ass. Makes me want to dislike him more for any future films.

[mosefus]

Originally Posted by Escape

I'm glad though that they made the king to be a whiny little boy who needs a good arrow up his ass. Makes me want to dislike him more for any future films.

Fair point. He was rather obnoxious.
Your comment suggests sequels are imminent. Oh, the horror....