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| Man-Thing |
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  (3/10)
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Runtime: 97 |
| Public Rating: 6.00 (8 votes) |
Director: Brett Leonard |
MPAA Rating:  |
| Genre: Horror |
Year: 2005 |
| Writer(s): Hans Rodionoff |
| Distributor: Lions Gate Films |
| Reviewed by: Mel Valentin |
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Based on a little-known, little-read Marvel Comics property, Man-Thing was originally intended for a theatrical release. Instead, the finished film, purchased by Lions Gate Films as part of a buyout of the now defunct Artisan films, has turned up on cable television (the SciFi Channel to be exact) with an uncut, unrated version to follow on DVD and video. At this point, the studio is interested only in the bottom line, in recouping a portion of the production budget (Man-Thing cost approximately $20 million to make). Viewers tempted by the Marvel name, or the superficial similarity between the title character and DC Comics' Swamp Thing, however, will be sorely disappointed. Man-Thing is a wholly forgettable, generic exercise in eco-horror territory. Man-Thing's shortcomings are manifold: a poorly conceived, by-the-numbers script, sub-literate dialogue, one-dimensional characters, lazy performances, minimal, telegraphed scares, and slack pacing indicative of a padded running time.
Man-Thing opens with a tracking shot moving through green-hued swampland. Apparently, we're in the bayous of Louisiana (actually Australia standing in for Louisiana). Obtrusive, unnecessary voice-over narration intones portentous dialogue about the life and beauty of the swamp, corporate exploitation, greed, and, of course, murder. Luckily, the audience is spared additional voice-over narration, but later in the film, we learn that the voice belongs to a Native American shaman, Peter Horn (Rawiri Paratene, a Maori masquerading as a Native American). Voice-over narration complete, Man-Thing segues into the obligatory teenagers (they look like they're in their thirties) assembled near a bayou, partying. It's not long before a sexually active couple head deeper into the swamp for some privacy. Bad, bad call (not for the audience, of course). A randy tree root spears one of them, the other (we learn later) is so traumatized by the experience that she goes into a catatonic state. The prologue, thankfully ends there.
Fast forward, night for day. Kyle Williams (Matthew Le Nevez), the newly assigned sheriff has arrived in the sleepy little town of Bywater. When he asks a toothless local the meaning behind the town's name, the local responds, “Because it's by the water…” (that's actually one of the more memorable lines in Man-Thing). The previous sheriff has disappeared. In fact, when Williams arrives at his new office, escorted by the previous sheriff's deputy, Eric Fraser (Alex O'Lachlan), Williams discovers press clippings stapled to a wall. Apparently, someone, or something, has been causing multiple disappearances (several bodies have been found, mutilated by alligators). No one seems overly concerned by the rash of disappearances, with the exception of Frederic Shist (Jack Thompson), the local land baron and owner of an oil refinery. Shist points in the direction of Rene LaRoque (Steven Bastoni), a local radical who has retreated to the swamp (LaRoque functions to mark time until the characters in the film finally become aware of the real threat in their midst). The audience is also introduced to the resident shaman, the aforementioned Peter Horn (Rawiri Paratene) who claims the Man-Thing is nature's revenge for environmental exploitation and degradation.
Williams is given the obligatory love interest in Teri Richards (Rachel Taylor), a, blond-haired, elementary school teacher turned environmentalist/protester. Their initial scenes of antagonism, which eventually turns romantic, per conventions, are underwritten. The romance itself is perfunctory, apparently added to the script as an afterthought. Le Nevez and Taylor have minimal chemistry in their scenes. To pad out the running time, Man-Thing adds several locals, all stereotypical, all clearly marked as fodder for the titular monster. They smoke, they curse, they have bad hygiene habits, and viewers will be more than happy to see them go, since their CGI-aided deaths move us one step closer to the end of the film.
The director, Brett Leonard (The Lawnmower Man, Hideaway, Virtuosity) and his screenwriter, Hans Rodionoff spend the first half of the film languidly introducing the characters, attempting to generate human conflict, punctuated by the occasional attack by Man-Thing (he, or rather it, is mostly off screen during the first half). Once Williams discovers the truth behind the disappearances, it's off to the swamp for the characters. Man-Thing borrows heavily from serial killer/slasher conventions. Characters go into the swamp, are separated from each other for no apparent reason, are tracked down by the monster (Leonard switches to the monster's point of view by shooting with a red filter and speeding up the film), and eliminated. Meanwhile, the monster's intended victims fall out among themselves. Eventually, the last characters standing confront the monster in the swamp. A massive fireball follows. Roll credits. End misery.
Poorly conceived, lazily scripted, ineptly executed, Man-Thinghas little to recommend it, beyond a splash of gore and passable makeup effects (presumably animatronics augmented by CGI). Leonard, the one-time director of Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe (in Virtuosity, is obviously in paycheck mode. Working from a second-rate script and a modest budget, Leonard was forced to work with local actors, none of whom give anything approaching credible performances. In fact, the actors, mostly Australian, were asked to attempt Southern accents. They fail, or rather, they succeed occasionally, but often slip into their Australian accents within the same sentence. Leonard either didn't care to correct this glaring deficiency, didn't have the time or the budget for re-dubbing dialogue in post-production. Viewers expecting jump scares will find, at most, two or three in the entire film. Leonard seems to have little talent in creating or sustaining suspense, or in providing viewers with appropriate payoffs. Sadly, with so little effort in evidence on every level of production, Man-Thing will probably be remembered (if it's not relegated to the dustbin of film history) as the worst Marvel Comics adaptation.
© Mel Valentin, 1st May, 2005
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