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| Gigli |
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  (1/10)
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Runtime: 121 |
| Public Rating: 3.56 (36 votes) |
Director: Martin Brest |
MPAA Rating:  |
| Genre: Comedy (?) |
Year: 2003 |
| Writer(s): Martin Brest |
| Distributor: Revolution Studios |
| Reviewed by: Oktay Ege Kozak |
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It’s a very strange crap shoot when some one who is as devoted to films as me when it comes to films that are supposed to be absolutely, incredibly, ostensibly awful. You know what I’m talking about, there’s at least one of those every year? You know, the one where your friends warn you not to even consider seeing, the one that costs a gazillion dollars and only makes a quarter of a dollar at the box office? The one that not only gets unanimous awful reviews, it also sweeps up all the razzies? But are they really that awful? In my opinion, last year’s “Death to Smoochie” was a hilarious film and “Battlefield Earth” really wasn’t as horrible as anybody led me to believe. This year’s contender is “Gigli”. And is it really that awful? Is it really one of the worst films ever made? Does it really make “Freddie Got Fingered” look like “Masterpiece Theater”? You bet your ass it does. As a defender of supposedly bad films and a hater of overblown unanimously loved films (I think that “Braveheart” is not a good movie and that films like “Gladiator” and “Black Hawk Down” are pieces of utter crap), there is no way for me to even think about glorifying “Gigli”.
The film is an utter disaster. There is no acting, no writing and no directing. In fact, there isn’t even a movie. It has no difference than staring at two hours of static image that appears on your TV screen with the color bars. Nothing in this drivel of celluloid (or DVD data) works. It has no idea what it wants to be. The story wants to be a cool gangster flick with a heart but neither the constant bright images of the cinematography nor the blatantly awful acting (I’d rather call it “retching”) by the terribly miscast “actors” help it one bit. It wants to be a wisecracking comedy but the dialogue is so awful, I remember wanting to drill my ears and forever be deaf instead of enduring this endless torture. And it goes without saying that the script is the worst screenplay ever bought and produced by a major studio.
Acting/Characters: Where to start? Where to start? Okay, first off, I would like to state beforehand that I don’t care about the whole Ben and Jen thing. I don’t care if they get married, shoot each other in the head or have an orgy with a couple of midgets and a goat in my backyard. I DON’T CARE!! And I believe anyone who does is the biggest loser in the world (And I’m a guy who has spent the last week building an X-Wing model). I mean, can someone explain to me why anyone would care if someone you’ll never meet bangs someone else you will never even see from a distance? Do they even know you? Are they gonna benefit emotionally from your care? Are they gonna send you a gift basket with a message “Thank you for you support during our happy times”? Do they even give a crap about you!!? The answer is hell, emphatically, no!! Granted, this whole plot to garner a horde of idiots to the cinemas just by using this hype failed miserably but the whole obsession is still rather pathetic. I guess concepts like “story”, “visuals” or “acting” are still apparent somewhat in a microscopic sense in today’s cinema. And as far as “acting” goes, I got news for you: These two cannot act themselves out of a pre-school thanksgiving show. And the dialogue doesn’t help either.
Other than Ben and Jen, the rest of the “acting” cadre consists of the completely out of place and way too goofy mentally challenged character played by Justin Bartha and totally preposterous and utterly absurd cameos by Christopher Walken and Al Pacino.
Directing: After this, I’m hoping I will see Martin Brest penniless and homeless so I can spot him on the road, spit on him, pee on him and run away. I hate you for writing this; I hate you for even attempting to direct this; I hate you for going along with the casting of this and hate you for having the audacity to leave your name on the credits. You better pray you don’t cross my path or else you will pay for my lost two hours with your life. I will burn all my copies of “Beverly Hills Cop” and “Scent of a Woman” and pretend you never existed. You suck!!
The Movie: So, after all this, do you think I still recommend the film? Of course I do! This film is a freak show, a train wreck, a twenty-car pileup. And everyone stops to check out all those events. As for film students like me, this film should be required viewing in film schools to show the absolute worst in film history. If it doesn’t teach them anything, at least it will make them feel better knowing that there are no actual standards in Hollywood and that anyone of us can make it. But if you really wanna make it in Hollywood, being a retarded a-hole wouldn’t hurt. We have the proof right here.
Starring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bartha, Lanny Venito, Christopher Walken, Al Pacino…
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