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| Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star |
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  (4/10)
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Runtime: 92 |
| Public Rating: 5.76 (101 votes) |
Director: Sam Weisman |
MPAA Rating:  |
| Genre: Comedy |
Year: 2003 |
| Writer(s): Fred Wolf, David Spade |
| Distributor: Paramount Pictures |
| Reviewed by: The Moose |
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With American soldiers fighting over in Iraq and problematic situations across the world flashing across American television screens everyday, it is no wonder why the comedy has become the genre of choice amongst the movie-going public. Sitting back in a comfortable theater seat and learning to laugh once again has such an enlightened quality that we crave so much now. If only the comedies that were offered were worth laughing at, in a good way. Spring offerings like Shanghai Knights, Bringing Down the House, and Anger Management weren’t worthy of the moderate acclaim and box office dollars they brought in. The summer season had much more tempting features with the likes of Bruce Almighty and Freaky Friday with only the gross-out third installment of the American Pie series, American Wedding, really paying off in the long run. Now as the box office begins to slow down after the last hurrah of the summer (Labor Day weekend), one has to wonder if any new releases can resurrect this failing genre? This is the story of Dickie Roberts, one of the most famous television child stars Hollywood had ever seen and how quickly he fell from the pinnacle of stardom. Dickie Roberts, at the age of six, became an over night sensation with his role on a charming television show thanks in part to his crooked smile and repetitive catch phrase “That’s nucking futs”. But once the hit television was cancelled by the network, Dickie Roberts fell from the mind of the public and lost his career in the process. Now thirty years later, he desires to have the fame and love he once had so long ago but being a valet for a restaurant doesn’t get you too much publicity. When the role of a life time becomes available to the former child star, he is willing to do anything to get it including hiring a family to live out the childhood he missed. But when the “perfect” family he hires is less then enthusiastic about his stay, Dickie must learn not only learn to be a child again but must also learn to love again to help his “foster” family. The story of Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star makes a mockery of the E! True Hollywood Story. The fact that just one episode of the acclaimed series is ten times more entertaining then this film should come as an embarrassment to the filmmakers. The more embarrassing fact is that the parody song that plays during credits is more humorous then the other eighty-two minutes of this feature. No wonder they tacked it on at the end! They featured all those child stars in order for the hate mail to go to them and not the studio. The cast of this live action film plays out much like one of a made for television feature, which is not always a good thing. Poor David Spade! The former Saturday Night Live! cast member, after the dud that was Joe Dirt, has become the John Lovitz of comedies. As an added bonus John Lovitz himself stars in the film along side Spade adding unnecessary emotional sadness to the film. But seriously for a moment, Spade, who is also a writer for the film, works out pretty well in the beginning but screeches (No pun intended for another former child star) around the half-way point. Granted he blurts out some humorous lines every now and again but he loses his charm and becomes corny and cheesy. Another sad sight in the film was Alyssa Milano’s role as Dickie Roberts’ on/off girlfriend. With such a wonderfully entertaining role on the WB’s Charmed, it boggles the mind why such horrible roles are offered to her or why she even accepts them. Jon Lovitz isn’t featured in this film as much as he probably should have and when he is seen, he really isn’t funny. Now on to Dickie’s “foster” family with each role being diagnosed instead of the performers as their names aren’t recognizable (and with the film as it is, it is better for their careers that they aren’t mentioned). The children are amazingly annoying from the beginning with crappy lines like “stranger danger” and “schiats” beings spoken by these sickingly cute kids every five seconds. More could be said about the family but nothing good, so better to take a breather from the constant ranting. Overall, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star is a horrible disaster from beginning to end. Though not as disastrous as The Hulk and 2 Fast 2 Furious, the film doesn’t give too many good qualities to talk about. How can this feature be called a comedy when barely a snicker was blurted out during the film’s nearly two hour run? Any slightly entertaining moment that does peek out has been used in every trailer and television ad so many times that all charm is squeezed out of it. The creators of this feature should not only be labeled as failures but as perverts as well with a disturbing scene involving a twelve year old girl (who had obviously not reached maturity yet) sexually dancing to “I Want to be Bad”. Dickie Roberts does have its charming family moments but they are so few and far between that they really aren’t worth mentioning. The bottom line is that Dickie Roberts makes a night watching Nick at Nite and TV Land look like must attend event. Here’s hoping that the fall season isn’t as disappointing as the first outing away from the summer heat.
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