Gnomeo and Juliet

Where to start with Gnomeo & Juliet? It's yet another take on William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, and not a particularly good one. This is because it plays into far too many CGI film cliches, which overshadows any good ideas it might have going for it. It features a cast of interchangable characters and, even though they're fragile garden gnomes, I never found myself caring for a single one of them, even when I was in danger. Hell, you can smash'em all if it would make the film shorter.

You know the tale. The tale of two lovers kept apart by their rival families, which are locked in a seemingly endless war. Gnomeo is a blue gnome, and the blues live in the backyard of crotchety old Mrs. Montague. Juliet, his love, is a red gnome, and red gnomes live in the backyard of cranky old Mr. Capulet. The two "families" are separated  by a fence with more holes in it than the film's plot. Just kidding - the simple plot doesn't have any holes, I just wanted to use that line.

The biggest problem is the sheer absence of any one single, compelling character. It's funny that the two sides are known by color, not any sort of name, because it's almost a testament to how simple everything is. Blues are all blues, reds are all reds, everyone's either one color or the other. Like I said earlier, everyone is interchangable. And yes, that includes our two leading love birds. I shouldn't say everyone, because there are a few notable characters, but nothing to shout about.

Possibly the best thing in the movie, and remember, this is the best thing of a bad movie, is the casting of Jason Statham as the brutish Tybalt. Jason Statham doesn't normally do voicework, but it works out really well. It also helps that Tybalt is the most action-oriented character in the film, always looking for ways to take down Gnomeo. And then there's Tybalt's friend Fawn, who's a plastic Fawn. He's voiced by Ozzy Osbourne, who also stands out in a good way. I want to say these two are fun to watch, I really do, but the truth is they're just the least irritating to watch.

I have to give a mention to Stephen Merchant, as he's one of my favorite comedic actors. He plays Paris, the gnome suitor that Juliet is thrust upon. He does fine in the role, but it's a short role.

Gnomeo & Juliet, despite being a take on a Shakespeare tale, is a CGI family film first and foremost. It adheres to its CGI guidelines, all the way down to the character dance number that plays during the credits and is set to a pop cover of a classic rock song. They even resurrect a character who was "killed" in the film just to have him dance along with everybody else. Too trite and too boring, Gnomeo is good for practically nothing.

 

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